On the Topic of Buttcracks...

Why would I talk about anything other than buttcracks for this blog’s second entry? Well, one might surmise that I may have chosen to tackle my list of topics in order of importance. You may be more right than you think…

A couple of years ago, when I was new to the board game hobby, a friend showed me this. For those of you too lazy to click on the link (or don’t want to leave the enlightened sanctuary that is this blog - I don’t blame you), the page contains a series of pictures with a man posing behind Magic: The Gathering (MTG) players whose buttcracks are hanging out for all to see. Unfortunately, the venue seems to only have your run-of-the-mill folding chairs, with their built-in buttcrack viewing windows.

My initial reaction was, as you can expect, pure glee. Did these guys know? Even so, would they have cared? It was only later, when I tried to answer these questions, that the darker implications began to emerge.

The board game hobby has an image problem. Straight and simple. This problem is sufficiently prevalent that a meta-hobby has emerged within the board game community: evangelization. You may not have noticed it before, but now you will. Countless forums, blogs, and videos have been dedicated to getting new people into our hobby. Although the content creators may not be aware of it, they are fighting an uphill battle, trying to convince outsiders that we aren’t all socially awkward, hyper-competitive, middle-aged men living in our mom’s basement. In actuality, participants within the board game hobby are incredibly, wonderfully diverse. We are women and men who are young, old, married, single, competitive and casual gamers. But the stereotype is never as interesting as reality. It never is.

My solution? Get out there and show that we’re boringly normal people who happen to have a pretty cool hobby. And maybe wear a belt.

Why Board Games?

I debated whether or not to have this as my first topic. While it does seem to be an appropriate starting point for a blog like this, my assumption is that the few readers that find themselves in the dark corner of the internet that is this page will need no introduction or sales pitch, since they, like myself, are scouring the web for anything cardboard-related, that can temporarily scratch their ever-growing itch.
 

So, maybe it would prove more beneficial to tailor this post to my most likely audience: gaming addicts. Let’s use this as a PSA against the idea of board gaming. I care about your well-being, after all, and should therefore dissuade you from feeding/forming this addiction in which you have become so sadly afflicted.

Reasons to Avoid Board Games:

•You have to interact with other human beings… for hours at a time. As a millennial, I know how difficult co-locating can be (there’s a reason why multiplayer video games no longer support split-screen). There’s the logistics of it all, the inability to mute the other players, and the pervasive odor (Where is that coming from?). It’s all unpleasant and decidedly “uncool,” according to my reputable sources.

•Games are for kids. Acceptable grownup interests include: current events, investments, politics, arguing about politics, judging others (see: politics), and cultivating a general sense of worry. Kids just don’t know what they’re missing.

•Games are also for geeks and nerds (don’t mistake the two). These losers are located in the lower echelons of our society, just above those with pink eye and crazy cat ladies (What’s the lowest social strata, you ask? Crazy cat ladies who also happen to have pink eye, of course. Can cats catch pink eye?). And don’t be fooled by what appears to be a reemergence of geek culture in wider society. Look closely- it’s actually just a bunch of hipsters in disguise. Their skinny jeans give them away.

Anyone left? Oh good, you’re still here. Still not convinced that board gaming is the absolute worst, despite the compelling arguments I laid out for you above? Well, don’t say that I didn’t warn you…