Cosmic Funcounter is probably the best game I’ve ever played. No no, you heard me right- Cosmic Funcounter. Funtasy Flight Games has promised to change Cosmic’s name in time for its 50th anniversary. Speaking of which, this game is old- it was published in 1977. Let’s take a trip down memory lane... what else happened that year?
- It snowed in Miami.
- The Apple II was released.
- The first Chuck E. Cheese restaurant opens, its ball pit already smelling like urine.
- Elvis “died.”
- Orlando Bloom was born in Mirkwood.
That’s it. Nothing else happened that year*. Don’t bother confirming because it’s just a waste of time. Thankfully Cosmic Funcounter swooped in to save an otherwise remarkably unremarkable year.
So what do I love about Cosmic Funcounter? Picture you are on a road trip with Nikola Tesla, Bugs Bunny, Mark Twain, Michelangelo, Rod Blagojevich and David Copperfield. In a Corolla. Tesla is riding shotgun, chittering in my ear about alternating current. Blagojevich sits in the middle back (aka “the bitch seat”), trying to convince Michelangelo of his innocence, who is nodding emphatically, but hoping Blago will just shut up already. Bugs and Copperfield play some card game in the trunk. Mark Twain silently looks out the window taking in the countryside, wondering why he found himself in such a poorly constructed analogy.
Okay, there's a lot to deconstruct here, but let's go through each of these individuals and how they relate to Cosmic Funcounter:
Bugs Bunny - This one is easy- Bugs provides the wackiness and zany gameplay that gamers have come to expect when playing Cosmic Funcounter.
When we play Cosmic, I will typically hand each person two or three different alien races from which to choose. I love listening to my friends reading aloud and/or reacting to their choices. With 3 options to pick from, chances are that at least two of them look really fun to play. This really gets the game off to a great start.
Nikola Tesla - No, not the guy who started the Tesla Motor Company (you're thinking of Steve Jobs). No, Tesla was a brilliant scientist who stood up to Thomas Edison and won! You have him to thank that we don't have electrical power plants built every mile or so (yay alternating current!), and these thingies:
Okay, there's a lot to deconstruct here, but let's go through each of these individuals and how they relate to Cosmic Funcounter:
Bugs Bunny - This one is easy- Bugs provides the wackiness and zany gameplay that gamers have come to expect when playing Cosmic Funcounter.
When we play Cosmic, I will typically hand each person two or three different alien races from which to choose. I love listening to my friends reading aloud and/or reacting to their choices. With 3 options to pick from, chances are that at least two of them look really fun to play. This really gets the game off to a great start.
Nikola Tesla - No, not the guy who started the Tesla Motor Company (you're thinking of Steve Jobs). No, Tesla was a brilliant scientist who stood up to Thomas Edison and won! You have him to thank that we don't have electrical power plants built every mile or so (yay alternating current!), and these thingies:
Tesla was also known for his eccentricity, not just electricity! Give his Wikipedia article a read, it is definitely worth your time. After a life of crazy experiments and outrageous claims (e.g. he could destroy the Empire State Building with 5lbs of air pressure), he spent much of his final years and money caring for pigeons. Because, you know, he wanted to.
Michelangelo - This game is an artistic masterpiece. Not so much for the art itself, but I would say with the scaffolding of complexity that is done nearly perfectly. The core of Cosmic is pared down to just a dozen or so rules, serving as the means to support the zany alien powers. Nothing more, nothing less. Once players understand the base game, all that's left are learning the alien powers, of which there are only 196, with all of the expansions. Better start reading through them now.
Of course I'm kidding. You really only need to know your own alien power, which is written down in front of you, and a cursory knowledge of how your friends are going to screw you over with their own aliens.
Rod Blagojevich - Speaking of screwing with people, this game is a near-constant stream of d*ckish behavior. However, since the game forces you into most of these situations, and with every player at the table some time or another, no one has hard feelings. But you're still being a d*ck. I had some trouble thinking of someone who could come on our Cosmic Funcounter road trip... Who is someone that is clearly a bad guy, but whose rap sheet is somewhat forgivable? Maybe that guy who won't stop talking politics at your kid's birthday party? Nah. What about the guy that cut me off on the road yesterday, nearly killing my entire family? Nope, he's already got his ticket punched for hell.
No, it ultimately came down to two somewhat-but-not-very unsavory characters: Dennis Rodman and Rod Blagojevich. I picked Blagojevich because he's a local guy: he lives about 10 miles away in federal prison. If you've forgotten who Rod is while he's been wasting away, he's this guy:
Let's just make a conservative estimate that 98% of politicians are crooked. Rod was simply one of those who got caught... trying to sell President Obama's vacated senate seat... while using a phone that was wiretapped. During the lead-up to his trial, he asked the judge to allow him to participate on a celebrity reality TV show in Costa Rica in order to help pay the bills. Sadly, the family man was denied the opportunity to travel out of the country, and his wife went in his stead. She got to eat a tarantula.
Mark Twain - Mark Twain is arguably the greatest American storyteller. I pick him, because his works are still enjoyable to read today, unlike many other classics that read like you’re swimming in wet cement. Cosmic Funcounter is probably the greatest story-generating game of all time.**
The stories from Cosmic are probably my favorite thing about the game. Here are a couple snippets:
David Copperfield - It is probably a stretch to include this passenger, but we squeezed him into the trunk with a fictitious rabbit, so he probably has plenty of space. Copperfield is a world-famous magician. Magic is, after all, a ritualistic sacrifice to the demon overlords. In exchange for their rituals, the devil gives magicians their power. Or maybe it's just light-hearted deception and sleight of hand. I guess we will never know for sure.
It's this deception in magic that reminds me of Cosmic Funcounter. I have played this game several times, with several different groups of people. When I pitch Cosmic to the group, I will usually say something like: "This is my favorite game. It is really, really, really silly, but it is some of the most fun I have ever had with a board game!" None of this is deceptive. I make no promises of future results, but I have commented on my past experiences. I have also over-emphasized the silliness of the game, just so no one feels like they've been deceived.
Despite these carefully chosen words, someone always feels like they've been tricked into playing something that is “barely a game” and it is simply wonderful. I don't feel any guilt when this happens, because I wasn't the one being deceptive. It's not my fault that the game is ranked #131 on BGG (it was in the top 100 for a very long time). It's not my fault that the game is considered a classic. It's not my fault that many game designers credit it as a source of inspiration for the games they made. None of these things are my fault!
But...
Maybe it isn't Cosmic Encounter's fault either. Our hobby has been trending towards what I like to call “complexity elitism,” where games are valued for their difficulty. But maybe a game should be also be considered "good" by how much it makes you smile, by how many high-fives it generates, and by how many laughs are shared at the table. Using those as a benchmarks for greatness, Cosmic Encounter has been the world’s greatest board game for 43 years and counting.
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- I was in a 3 player game (which I do not recommend), and my friend and I kept pulling these d*ck moves on each other, which usually consisted of breaking promises to negotiate. This kept up until we were each one colony from winning. We had an encounter and made our usual promise to negotiate, which had, at that point, lost all meaning. And guess what? We both played a negotiate and swapped colonies, resulting in a shared victory. It was so funny, and our other friend at the table was not thrilled, which made it even more funny.
- The last time we played, one of my friends was the Sheriff, an alien race that gives you the power to ticket other players for various infractions. None of us knew what infractions were on his cards, but my friend, who has a great sense of humor, was always threatening us with mostly bogus tickets that kept us all on edge (in a good way). His favorite thing to say was “I’ve got the ticket right here, the ink is still wet and just needs my signature...”
- Possibly my fondest memory was one of my first games of Cosmic. My alien race was the Pacifist, whose power is that you win all encounters where you play a negotiate card and your opponent plays an attack. Now, this wouldn’t be especially fun or useful on its own, but I had stumbled upon the Filch flare, which is a card that allows you to steal from the draw and discard piles, and is only negated if you get caught. Obviously I started to dig through the discard pile, feigning curiosity. I grabbed negotiate cards... all of them. And started winning encounters... all of them. My brothers didn’t suspect a thing, and with each encounter/negotiate card, they got more aggressive, thinking I had used all my negotiate cards. I couldn’t stop laughing. I ended up losing the game when they decided I was too powerful and colluded against me. If I remember correctly, they shared a 3-way victory with me coming in second/last place, but I’m pretty sure I had the most fun.
David Copperfield - It is probably a stretch to include this passenger, but we squeezed him into the trunk with a fictitious rabbit, so he probably has plenty of space. Copperfield is a world-famous magician. Magic is, after all, a ritualistic sacrifice to the demon overlords. In exchange for their rituals, the devil gives magicians their power. Or maybe it's just light-hearted deception and sleight of hand. I guess we will never know for sure.
It's this deception in magic that reminds me of Cosmic Funcounter. I have played this game several times, with several different groups of people. When I pitch Cosmic to the group, I will usually say something like: "This is my favorite game. It is really, really, really silly, but it is some of the most fun I have ever had with a board game!" None of this is deceptive. I make no promises of future results, but I have commented on my past experiences. I have also over-emphasized the silliness of the game, just so no one feels like they've been deceived.
Despite these carefully chosen words, someone always feels like they've been tricked into playing something that is “barely a game” and it is simply wonderful. I don't feel any guilt when this happens, because I wasn't the one being deceptive. It's not my fault that the game is ranked #131 on BGG (it was in the top 100 for a very long time). It's not my fault that the game is considered a classic. It's not my fault that many game designers credit it as a source of inspiration for the games they made. None of these things are my fault!
But...
Maybe it isn't Cosmic Encounter's fault either. Our hobby has been trending towards what I like to call “complexity elitism,” where games are valued for their difficulty. But maybe a game should be also be considered "good" by how much it makes you smile, by how many high-fives it generates, and by how many laughs are shared at the table. Using those as a benchmarks for greatness, Cosmic Encounter has been the world’s greatest board game for 43 years and counting.
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* “WHAT ABOUT STAR WARS, EPISODE I/IV?!?!” you scream. I’m sorry, it simply does not make this list. Go ahead, watch it again. I’ll wait.
...
You back? Why do you look so disappointed? Oh right! Your nostalgia was the only thing propping up your memories of what is, at best, a D+ movie. You are mad at me for saying this, but deep down (or maybe not that deep down) you know that I’m right.
** Another game, called Tales of the Arabian Nights, is probably tied with Cosmic for first place. But that discussion is for another time.
** Another game, called Tales of the Arabian Nights, is probably tied with Cosmic for first place. But that discussion is for another time.